Words He Cannot Say
by mamorel
Summary: This is a Sailor Moon fanfiction that chronicles Kunzite and Zoisite's relationship before Queen Beryl; when they were still loyal to Prince Endymion. This is based on the original Japanese version in which both Kunzite and Zoisite are men.
1. Chapter 1

Kunzite swung the wooden sword in a graceful downward arc. Prince Endymion knelt down, almost to one knee as he raised his own sword to fend off the attack. "Use your strength to push up."

Prince Endymion pulled down instead, nearly knocking Kunzite off balance. He thrust the wooden sword forward, only to be thwarted by Kunzite's quick reflexes. "Strength isn't all there is to battle."

Zoisite was grateful for the opportunity to stare openly at Kunzite without being noticed. He, along with the other young soldiers his age watched Kunzite as he sparred with Prince Endymion. Prince Endymion smiled openly at the challenge before him, but Kunzite's face was as still as if it were etched in stone. His mind wandered to what it would take to soften that look in his eyes. He had been daydreaming about Kunzite ever since he had run into him by the pond. Biyu had thrown the saucer close to the water's edge. He had steered clear of the edge so as not to fall in and had, instead smacked into Kunzite. Kunzite had stumbled, but it was Zoisite who had fallen to the ground. He hadn't paid attention to Kunzite as the hand was offered to him, but when he had stood up, Kunzite's face was all he had seen. Those silver eyes had pierced into him, demanding his attention. Zoisite had seen no emotion in him at all, but his heart had been set racing nonetheless. He had mumbled a timid apology and ran off, forgetting the saucer completely. Biyu hadn't seen the interaction between Zoisite and Kunzite and had simply thought that he'd been given an earful for being careless and then sent away.

Zoisite hadn't had the courage to tell Biyu that he was infatuated with the older man and had simply forgotten the saucer. Zoisite shook his head to try and rid himself of the daydreams that flitted about his wandering mind. Kunzite and Prince Endymion had matched evenly again and called a truce.

"Kunzite is one of the best of my soldiers. You all should be honored to be able to learn under him." Prince Endymion bowed and walked off quickly towards the gardens.

Zoisite chastised himself for giving in to the childish thoughts Prince Endymion's words brought to mind. Zoisite had seen the way the women of the castle fawned over him. He was handsome to say the least. His long white hair was almost impossible bright in the harsh rays of the sun and it framed his face well. His bangs clung to sweat of his face as he looked out over the students who were spread out on the lawn.

"Who's first?" Kunzite's eyes surveyed each student. Already he knew which of them would pass the trials and which would fail before the week had ended. His eyes came to rest on the childish looking boy who had run into him the other day. "You?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Why do you run from me, Zoisite?" Kunzite held the younger man's hand in his firm grip. Though curly golden locks obscured most of his face, Kunzite could see that Zoisite was blushing. "Why do you turn your eyes from me?"

Zoisite felt his cheeks grow warm as Kunzite held his hand. "I don't run from you." His voice was soft, barely audible even to himself.

"Will you not look at me?" Kunzite placed a kiss on the slender man's wrist and slowly worked his way up the exposed flesh. He felt Zoisite shiver under his delicate ministrations. He had reached the soft bend in Zoisite's elbow before the younger man spoke.

"You are my commander." Zoisite's voice betrayed him once again as it wavered.

Kunzite paused in his path and smiled up at the golden hair blocking his progress. "Would you like me to stop?" There was a tense silence wherein Kunzite feared the young man's answer. The golden locks shook and Kunzite's smile spread across his pale face. He let his arms circle around Zoisite and pulled the man's back closer to his chest. He continued kissing up the man's arm, gently pushing Zoisite's hair aside to allow him access to the tender skin of the shoulder. Zoisite moaned slightly under Kunzite's attentive mouth.

Zoisite let his head fall back against the taller man's shoulder. He could feel Kunzite's hand dipping lower down his abdomen. His breath quickened as Kunzite's kisses became more deeper and more demanding. "Kunzite..."

Kunzite grasped Zoisite's chin in his palm and turned his face to him. Those beautiful green eyes looking up at him were glazed over and filled with lust. He captured the smaller man's mouth in a kiss that was met eagerly. Zoisite stood on the tip of toes to try and reach Kunzite's mouth for as long as he could when Kunzite pulled away.

Kunzite buried his face in those golden curls that had tempted him. "It has to be our little secret."


	3. Chapter 3

Zoisite felt his nerves catch fire as the last student exited the training room. He finished putting the equipment away and made his way to Kunzite. The blond man was meditating on the floor. Zoisite decided to make his move before he chickened out. He could feel the magic emanating off his commander as he knelt down in front of him. "Kunzite." His voice was soft in the massive room.

Kunzite opened his eyes and found himself staring into two emerald pools of his young apprentice. He reached out and pulled Zoisite into his lap. "This is not being secretive." Kunzite's hands found their way to Zoisite's hair and tugged close for a kiss. Zoisite's mouth was warm and inviting. He had never found himself more enthralled by anyone. He wanted to wrap his arms around the younger man and hold him close, keep him safe, forever.

Zoisite let himself melt in Kunzite's strong arms. "The training is getting harder."

Kunzite nodded, lifting Zoisite slightly so he could stretch his legs out. "You don't seem to get along with the other trainees." Kunzite had noticed the way the other men leered at Zoisite. He hadn't liked the way they looked at his lover.

"They don't like me very much." Zoisite buried his face in Kunzite's long white hair. In truth they did like him, they liked him a little too much. If Biyu hadn't been there to help him the other night... He didn't want to think about the things they said to him, or the things they had tried to do. "Can we talk about something else, please?"

Kunzite held the slender man. "What happened?" He could feel Zoisite's arms wrap tightly around his neck. "Tell me what happened, Zoisite."

Zoisite shook his head against Kunzite's neck. "It was nothing really." He waited for Kunzite to speak but only the silence whispered back at him. Could he feel Kunzite growing colder or was it his imagination? "Kunzite?"

"I don't like being lied to." Zoisite pulled back slightly to look at the icy silver eyes of the man he loved.

Zoisite tried to pull away from Kunzite, but his arms remained firmly locked around Zoisite's waist. He didn't want Kunzite to think of him as weak or easily manipulated. He would have held his own if there had been only one. "A couple of men surrounded me outside the housing quarters last night." He could feel the cold anger rolling off of Kunzite and it sent shivers down his spine. "I tried to fight them off, but they overpowered me. If Biyu hadn't been there... I know I should have been able to defend myself..."

"How many of them were there?" Kunzite's tone sent ripples of fear throughout Zoisite's body.

He hadn't known that Kunzite could feel such fury. "Four." Zoisite had seen Kunzite take down twice as many on his own. He should have been stronger. Zoisite hung his head, ashamed that he was so weak.

"I want their names." Kunzite knew that Zoisite would resist relinquishing the information. "If you don't tell me I will go to Biyu. I will expel him if necessary to make him tell me." He grabbed Zoisite's chin and tipped his head up to look into those green eyes. "Would our Prince condone such behavior from myself or Nephrite? How about Jadeite?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Don't play dumb with me, Kunzite." Jadeite stormed across the room, his short hair flowing in the breeze he created as he walked. They didn't think he knew, but Beryl had told him. She had seen it.

"Give it a rest, Jadeite." Nephrite kept his place on the lounge as he watched Jadeite antagonize the older officer. Kunzite seemed indifferent to Jadeite's protests. Of course if he hadn't judged the duel himself, he supposed he might have doubted Kunzite's decision as well. Jadeite may be dense, but Kunzite's affection for the young soldier with the golden hair was not lost on him. It was hard to see. Kunzite was careful of the face he showed the world. His glances at the youth were no longer than any other teacher, but Nephrite had seen that little gleam in his eye.

"That little upstart has no right to be among us." Jadeite crossed his arms over his chest. Neither of his brothers were paying any attention to him.

"You're just mad that he bested you." Kunzite stood, staring out the window at the moon. He could hear Jadeite pacing behind him, just a few feet away. He could feel Nephrite's brown eyes watching him, studying him. Nephrite knew about his little affair with Zoisite. Nephrite also knew that their relationship had not affected the outcome of the trials. Zoisite had come a long way from the frightened young man he was ten weeks ago, to the strong soldier he was now. He had learned how to fight, how to use his magic, how to use his strengths to his advantage. Zoisite's skill alone had landed him the position. Kunzite had ensured that he neither dueled nor judged Zoisite as he faced the final trials. Even he was not immune to the bias, their relationship placed in his heart.

"He doesn't belong with us." Jadeite was infuriated that he had not stoked one angry word out of Kunzite. Was his brother made of stone? "I won't accept him. He doesn't belong."

Kunzite turned suddenly from the window, his cloak flowing in the breeze he made. "You will accept him as a brother in arms, as a fellow soldier to protect our Prince. That is your duty. If you dislike your post then resign and we can surely fine someone who will complain less than you."

"I'm not going to respect him just because you like sleeping with him." The words came out and no sooner had they passed through Jadeite's lips, then Kunzite held Jadeite's throat in his hands.

Kunzite held his brother precariously on the ledge of the window. Nephrite had stood up behind him, but had not advanced. "I had nothing to do with his trials. You cannot deny that. Bring up my personal life again and you do so at risk to your own limbs." Kunzite pulled Jadeite back into the room and threw him to the floor. He stormed out of the room to seek solace alone.

"You deserved that." Nephrite couldn't keep the mockery out of his voice as he looked into Jadeite's wide eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

"Have you not, yourself seen the way he looks at her, Kunzite? She is turning him from his own people!" Beryl's red hair swayed about her as she paced back and forth in front of Prince Endymion's most loyal soldier.

"You speak only of fear, Beryl. Prince Endymion would not abandon his people. Love begets foolishness. I'd doubt his love for her if he didn't cater to her whims." Kunzite watched the woman pace back and forth. Zoisite was waiting for him downstairs and he didn't intend on being late because of baseless accusations.

Beryl could see right though him. "Don't shrug me off, Kunzite. You'll see. She's already talked to him about arranging marriages for the four of you." She saw the minute twitch she was looking for; the tiny chink in Kunzite's armor. The slightest of twitches in the corner of Kunzite's mouth let her know she had struck a nerve. She sat down on lounge near the window. "Why do you hide it from him, if you do not fear his reaction, Kunzite? Do you think he'll turn his nose up at your little...endeavor?"

"Don't test my patience tonight, Beryl. We both know that discretion is the better part of valor." Kunzite made his way to the cabinet and poured two glasses of wine. He handed one to Beryl and took a long drink from his own. "I have never made any of my partners known to Prince Endymion, why would this one be any different?"

Beryl's condescending laugher filled the room. "You may fool them Kunzite, but I know you better than that. This one is more than just a lover to you, is he not? I've known you longer than they have. You can't fool me."

Kunzite forced his hand to remain limp for fear of shattering the thin glass within his palm. "Don't play tricks with me Beryl. What I do has never concerned you before. Don't make it your business now."

"I don't mean to prod, Kunzite, but you can't hide him forever." Beryl stood, setting her glass down on the table. "You wait and see. That witch has her claws in deep. Mark my word, she'll make sure to put an end to your little love affair." Beryl stormed out of the room. Soon enough she would send that Princess packing and Endymion would be hers.


	6. Chapter 6

Zoisite was vulnerable after Kunzite had left him heart broken. He was easy prey for someone looking to stir up trouble. Jadeite had watched him for a few minutes as he sat alone by the pond. Beryl had been right that he would be here. Somehow she always knew. She would make a much better princess for Prince Endymion than that Moon Brat. Jadeite slipped silently the pond and sat down next to Zoisite. "It's a little late to be out on your own."

Zoisite wiped his eyes and turned his face from Jadeite. "I just wanted to be alone. I'm sorry." He stood to leave, but Jadeite's hand stilled him.

"I can't say that I blame you. It is always beautiful out here under the stars." Jadeite looked towards the sky, keeping watch of Zoisite out of his peripheral vision. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zoisite was not stupid. Kunzite had told him more than once that they were not to speak of their relationship to anyone.

"I don't know why Kunzite feels the need to hide you from the world." Jadeite turned his gaze on the startled soldier. "Did you think that Nephrite and I were aloof to the amount of time you two spend together?" Jadeite could barely contain the smirk that tried to lift the corners of his mouth. "No you two only hide successfully from our Prince." Jadeite traced Zoisite's jaw line with his thumb. He could feel the young soldier tense up underneath his fingers.

"I should get back to the castle." Zoisite stood up. Jadeite stood up quickly as well and captured Zoisite's mouth in his own. Zoisite's eyes went wide as the blond's tongue sought entrance between his lips. Zoisite pushed at Jadeite's chest, trying to break away from him.

Jadeite's blue eyes gleamed in the moonlight under Zoisite's bewildered stare. "You're beautiful and you shouldn't be hidden from the world."

Zoisite shook his head and backed away from his brother. "I love Kunzite."

Jadeite watched as Zoisite took off towards the castle. He could feel Beryl hiding somewhere in the foliage behind him. "This is a dead end. We can't use him against Kunzite."


	7. Chapter 7

Kunzite's white hair shone in the moonlight that swam over them out in the open. Zoisite's cheeks were streaked with tears but he still hadn't made a sound. "Well?" Kunzite's voice carried easily across the still night and seemed to boom in the silence that surrounded them. He hadn't meant to be so loud, but he wouldn't admit a mistake even to himself.

"What do you want me to say?" Zoisite kept his eyes turned to the ground, almost afraid of seeing the anger in Kunzite's eyes. He wanted to hide his face behind his golden hair, but he had never taken out the ribbon that pulled it back.

"You can start by explaining yourself." Kunzite stormed forward and grabbed the young soldier's arm.

Zoisite pulled his arm free of Kunzite. Kunzite's strong jaw line was made harsh in the weak light, and even harsher by the frown that cut across his face. "I don't have to explain myself to you!" He had shouted and he could see the fury brewing behind Kunzite's silver eyes.

"Am I no loner your commander?"

Kunzite's voice was cold, devoid of emotion and it cut like a knife in Zoisite's heart. "Is that all we are? You're my commander and I am your soldier?" Zoisite stepped back from Kunzite, his voice was as hollow and empty as his heart felt. "I'm not a toy, Kunzite. You can't just pick me up and play with me and then throw me down like I don't exist to you. I don't deserve that." Zoisite turned from his lover's cold gaze. He walked to the edge of the pond and sat down on the marbled bench with his back to the tall man. This was where they had first run into each other, literally. He had been chasing a saucer and had run into Kunzite, nearly knocking him down. "I can't hide anymore, Kunzite." He heard only silence behind him and assumed that Kunzite had simply walked away from all they had shared. He was startled when he felt the familiar, strong hand rest on his shoulder.

"You risked everything today. Prince Endymion will not look kindly on us. That witch has him under her spell." Kunzite felt his stomach tighten as he stared at the delicate man before him and thought of losing him. "If you think the Moon Princess was oblivious to your motions you are sadly mistaken."

"She wants you to marry Minako!" Zoisite wanted to be strong, but the tears came even as he fought them. He sunk his hands into his face and sobbed quietly. Kunzite's strong arms around him only made the tears come harder.

Kunzite pulled Zoisite to his feet. He used a gloved hand to wipe away the tears that were falling down Zoisite's cheeks and pulled him into a kiss. Zoisite's hands found their way to Kunzite's chest and grabbed at the lapels. Kunzite's arms wrapped around the slender waist of his lover and pulled him close. Kunzite's tongue slipped past Zoisite's lips and danced within his mouth. Zoisite's tears were all but forgotten when Kunzite pulled away. "I care for only you, Zoisite. No one will ever change that."


	8. Chapter 8

"She can't have my heart, Kunzite. It belongs to you." Zoisite knew he was making too much of this. They had already talked about it, but being forced to dance with the princess had thrown him over the edge.

Kunzite pulled Zoisite to him and wrapped his arms around the slender, golden haired soldier. "Calm down, Zoisite." He kissed the young soldier's cheek through his curls. "Beryl and I are working on it. We'll talk some sense into Prince Endymion."

"Why don't you just tell him about us?" Zoisite's voice was muffled against the cloth of Kunzite's uniform. He felt Kunzite tense at this question. Was it too much for Kunzite to tell someone, anyone that he loved Zoisite? "Do you love me, Kunzite?" He looked up into the silver eyes of his lover as he nodded. "Can you say it? Can you tell me you love me?"

Kunzite turned his head away and pulled Zoisite closer to him. He could feel Zoisite trying to wriggle out of his embrace. "Does it make it more true if I say it?"

"Let me go, Kunzite." Zoisite steeled his voice. He squirmed out of Kunzite's strong grip only because Kunzite lessoned his hold and crossed the room the stare out the window. It was that horrible princess' fault. She couldn't just leave well enough alone. She had forced her harem on Prince Endymion's loyal soldiers. He felt Kunzite's hands on his shoulders and shrugged them off.

Kunzite sighed into Zoisite's hair. "Prince Endymion is thinking about the stability of their joined kingdom. It makes sense for his most loyal soldiers to join with her most loyal protectors. Strategically it makes sense."

Zoisite couldn't believe what he was hearing. He turned to push past Kunzite, but Kunzite held him fast. "And that makes it all better?" He struggled against Kunzite's grip. "Let go." Zoisite was stunned when the taller man pulled him into a desperate embrace.

"Of course it doesn't make it better. Beryl and I are going to talk to him when he returns." Kunzite sighed with relief as Zoisite's face buried against his chest. "You know I care for you. Why does it matter if I say it?"

Zoisite felt his resolve fade at Kunzite's wavering words. "It doesn't."


	9. Chapter 9

Kunzite watched as his lover slept. The young man's eyelashes fluttered occasionally against his pale cheeks as he dreamed. Zoisite was a strong and able warrior, but when he slept, he looked more like a doll. His porcelain skin was almost luminescent in the pale glow of morning and Kunzite couldn't resist the urge to run his hand through those golden locks. Zoisite stirred, but didn't awaken at his lover's touch.

Kunzite had kept his distance throughout the trials and they had kept their relationship quiet to all but their brothers. They demanded nothing of each other, but Kunzite could not lie to himself as well as he could lie to others. This was the man who truly held his heart. Sooner or later he would have to tell Prince Endymion, especially if he hoped to continue their relationship in something other than small stolen kisses and the moonlight. Jadeite was still too sore about Zoisite's new position to care about their relationship, but he had voiced some of his concerns to Nephrite. Nephrite had laughed at him and told him that he'd known of Kunzite's attraction to the younger man for some time. Zoisite had turned in early last night and Nephrite had used the opportunity to ask Kunzite if he loved Zoisite.

Kunzite's breath had stalled in his chest. He hadn't been able to force the words out of his mouth, but he felt them nonetheless and had settled for nodding his head. Their conversation was still fresh in his mind, even after a night's sleep.

"You can't say it, can you?" Nephrite had looked at Kunzite with amusement shining in his eyes. "How are you going to convince Prince Endymion to accept your relationship if you can't even say that you love him?"

"Why does it matter if I say it or not? It doesn't change how I feel." Kunzite pushed the plate of food away from himself.

"No, but maybe if you can't say it, then it's not real." Nephrite's words had stung Kunzite more than he lead Nephrite to believe. Kunzite had shrugged his shoulders and gone for a walk.

Prince Endymion had not returned yet and Kunzite had not had a chance to tell his Prince that he was infatuated with another man. Why was that word so important? Kunzite turned his attention back to his sleeping lover, kissed his lips tenderly and leaned to his ear. "I...I love you..."

FIN


End file.
